Missing California

Well, it was bound to happen. I started to miss California the past few days. I haven't decided if it's the actually place or just my life there. So much happened when I was living there. I feel liked I lived more life there in 15 months then I did my last three years in Colorado.
The other day, I started missing the area. Monterey and the ocean are no longer 40 minutes away. Neither are the friends I made or the one I love. Not that 40 minutes would matter with her anyways.
I don't begrudge California for my bad luck. I think if bad luck is destined to hit you, it's going to hit you regardless where you are.
I'm glad to be in Fort Collins, I really am. But I wonder how different my life would be if things would have worked out differently in California. What if I didn't lose my father or Kendra or my job. What if just one of the three, or hell, just two of the three happened? Would I still be in California or would I still find myself in Fort Collins?
But as every day passes, my life in California seems further and further behind me. That includes my hard times there, but it also includes the good ones. The good times with Kendra; on the beach, experiencing things for the first time there. It also includes times with the close friends, laughs over drinks at the Penny, complaining about our jobs, trips to San Fran. It's hard to think I might not ever have those experiences again. But I think the lesson I'm suppose to take from this is to embrace my memories, good and bad, and take those with my future and not let them keep me in the past.
Big SIGH.

I'm trying. It's just so easy to allow myself to be consumed by my past. Every day, I have to make a decision: Am I going to allow what happened come over me and keep me down or am I going to come above it? I wish I could say the latter happens more than the former.